Night clubs, no place for the over 30's!

Ok. It's official. I'm too old to go out to night clubs.

• Do I have too many wrinkles? 

Yes!

 Although with the low lighting and smoke machines, if you position yourself just right, it is possible to achieve an 'air-brushed' type of look. (Well, as far as the most casual observer would be concerned.)

Although, if you happen to have a few grey hairs (or a lot), under the ultraviolet lights, normally present in the same area, be advised... Your head will sparkle like one of those white plastic christmas trees. And trust me, despite what you may think, it isn't a good look.

Aaaaaargh!

• Do I object to the current music in the charts which the night clubs insist on playing?

Yes!

Is it to loud? Absolutely.
Do I find it lacking sophistication and talent? Yep. 

But worst of all, I can't understand the... erm... lyrics. In a metaphoric sense, I mean.

For example, take this verse, thank you Google for providing the translation, of someone called Justin Bieber, from his song "Boyfriend":

  "Tell me what you like yeah tell me what you don’t

I could be your Buzz Lightyear fly across the globe

I don’t never wanna fight yeah, you already know

I am ‘ma a make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow

Burr

Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend

You could be my girlfriend until the ---- world ends

Make you dance do a spin and a twirl and

Voice goin crazy on this hook like a whirl wind

Swaggie"

First question. Who, or what, the hell is a 'Buzz Lightyear'? And what makes him better than flying first-class with a reputable airline?

Secondly, why would you want to make someone look like they are laying in the snow, glowing?
That sounds like you want them to have died of exposure, with a thin layer of ice over them, reflecting the first rays of the morning the sun... And that's just not good for the other person involved, surely? "Burr" indeed! 

And then the world ends... And like some sort of deranged puppeteer*, from a B-grade horror flick, this Bieber person wants the corpse of his dead girlfriend to dance and spin.

WTF?

*And yes, I am aware that technically I'm talking about a manipulator and their marionette.

• Have alcoholic drinks at nightclubs gone weird ?

Yes!

Since when do drinks have vibrant multi-coloured layers, have 'energy drinks' as a key component, cost a minimum of $20, and come served in a glass containing enough ice to sink the Titanic?

And heaven forbid, you order a simple beer. There is no such thing.    

Ask for a beer, and you're offered with more choices than you get at a Subway restaurant. Low carb? Low alcohol? Mid-alcohol? Non-alcoholic? Local? Imported? Wheat? Premium? ...and the list goes on, and on, and on.

Unfortunately, even if you ask for something as simple as a 'bourbon and coke', you get asked:

"Are you sure you don't want some Red Bull instead of cola?"

Good grief...

I give up!