Won't Somebody Think Of The Vegetables????

I live in a small country town.
Not much happens. I don't think much has happened here throughout the entire history of the town.
That's not a complaint. I like that fact... most of the time.
Anyway, I was sitting in my local pub today.
Generally, the banter is about sheep or cattle. And rain, or the lack of it.
And it's not really the place you try and strike up a conversation about nano-technology or the latest fashion trends. Mention the word "iPhone" and most people would think you're making a proclamation that you now know how to use a telephone. Like I cook, or I clean, or I work.
In fact, it is more than likely, you'd even get a light spattering of polite applause acknowledging your newly announced achievement.
But being small and 10 plus years behind the times does have it's advantages.
The kids are still free to play like kids.
I've still yet to hear the phrase "Well it was like totally... awesome".
And discussions on the latest American sitcom barely get a mention.

So it was a little bit of a surprise when I heard an elderly gentleman ask another, "If you were an animal, what sort of animal would you be?"...

OK. So, we've all either read, or had that question directed at us at some point. But it was the response that intrigued me.

"Well now, not sure I could answer that."
A thoughtful pause, and then "...But, I know what vegetable I'd like to be. A potato."
All this was said rather matter-of-factly.

To which came the reply of "Yeah. I can see you as a potato. Yep. And me, I think I'd be spinach..."

And then their conversation seamlessly switched to the prices given at the last cattle sale.

Excuse me???
Now I freely admit to being a curious person by nature. But I don't like intruding on people enjoying a quiet beer, or interrupting their conversations.
Those vegetable statements however, got the better of me.

I asked elderly person One how it was that he had chosen the potato.
"Well," he said, "It's like this. Just like a mushroom, potatoes like being buried in crap and kept in the dark. And life is full of crap. So may as well be something that likes it.
But mushies, are a bit too fragile for my liking. I reckon I'd like to be made of sterner stuff.
That and I like starch in me shirts.
Nothing like the water you've boiled potatoes in for starching shirts."

After hearing this explanation, given with a similar authority to how I imagine Moses announced the 10 commandments, I turned my attention to the second gentleman...
"And spinach?" I asked expectantly.

"Oh, that's easy." said Gentleman Two, with a look upon his face that made me feel like Forrest Gump.
"As old Harry here will tell ya. I got good blood. And spinach is good for blood. But I tend to wilt in the heat a bit. Don't I, Harry?"
Elderly gent One gave a Moses-like nod of confirmation...
And with that, they each took a sip of their respective beers, and returned to discussing the last cattle sale.

Now apart from thinking of a potato wearing a neatly pressed and starched shirt, and a clump of spinach rocking up to the Red Cross Blood Bank, it did also make me wonder what vegetable I would like to be...

What's an inquisitive vegetable? Beans? With their tendrils growing everywhere? Although they're technically a legume. But let's not be too specific with the definition of what is or isn't a vegetable.
Hmmm... a reflective vegetable, like a shiny onion, with plenty of layers?
Maybe a pumpkin, with a hardened exterior, but full of good intentions within?

Or perhaps I am an eggplant. Slightly exotic. Somewhat interesting to look at in a weird way. And you're never quite sure what to make of eggplants, and when you cut into them, unless they're salted down and cured correctly, they can leave a bitter taste in your mouth?
Yeah. That sorta sounds right.
Garf the Eggplant.